yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
