ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you traded sex for a burrito?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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