two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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