It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
