I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
