I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
