Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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