apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
