I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
