i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
