I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
