I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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