If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
