TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
