I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
