god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
