i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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