Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
