I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
