I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
