i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
