im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Randomize
