bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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