garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Two words: blizzard sex
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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