nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
