Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize