I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize