she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
