You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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