He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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