Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
