there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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