my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
