omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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