i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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