Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
