I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
