Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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