my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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