She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
