the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
