As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
