just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
