I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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