sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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