don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
