U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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