I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
