I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
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