What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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