Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
