Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
