You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
