So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
