i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you win again, gameday.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
