Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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