I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Even my vagina gasped.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
