Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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