At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
