The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
