I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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