Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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