I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
