someone threw a dead crab at me
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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