Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
