hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
