Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
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