if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
