Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize