Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
