we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
