just tell him i said nine months
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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