What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
