PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
