Will you blow on my dice?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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