he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
