I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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