I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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