Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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