I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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