saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I had to cum in my sink.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
