I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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