You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He better not be in your backpack
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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