soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
