TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize