I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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