You smell like stripper and shame
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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