Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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