I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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