I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
