You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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